Cashier Memories

It didn't take long after leaving Fred Meyer for me to begin feeling like a human again. Almost immediately, I began contacting my friends and getting work done towards going to grad school, cleaning up after myself more around the house, playing with the cat, and in general smiling a lot more.

People rarely treat me rudely anymore. There was a woman who cut in front of me at the supermarket (and I only had one item) but that's it. Nobody leaves when I'm in the middle of a sentence. They don't roll their eyes at me when I tell them something they already know. It's amazing how the absence of these little things can make such a big difference in my self worth.
Of course, if those people could know that their actions affected my self worth, they would know that they won. I don't think most of them try to do it on purpose. I think they're just impatient, angry, and selfish. Not evil people whose dearest ambition in life is to make uncertain clerks feel bad about themselves.

I didn't meet only bad people, though. When I started at Fred Meyer, I was both a clerk and a human resources assistant, telling other new hires what they needed to know. I always took some extra time to tell them a little about what to expect from the people. "Eventually, someone will treat you badly," I would tell them. "You have to keep it in perspective. Only one in a hundred are the mean ones. You just don't notice the people who treat you normally as much. But if you ever feel like the world is filled with mean-spirited people, try to notice the people just doing their shopping."

And then I would tell them the story of my first day of work, when I was cashiering for the first time after being trained. I didn't know any of the produce codes, and it was taking me a long time, as I couldn't even tell the difference between zucchini and cucumbers. I don't remember what else I did that was so egregious, but the customer I was serving had had enough and was eager to express her displeasure. "You're an idiot, aren't you," she sneered at me. "This is ridiculous." I was so shocked and frustrated that I began to cry, right in front of the woman and everyone else in line behind her. (Those of you who know me will know this is not a shocking occurrence, but notable nonetheless). When I was through with her and she was on her merry way, the customer who had been in line behind her said to me, "Wow, she's a mean old lady. You cry if you need to, take a few deep breaths, and don't worry about her a minute longer than you have to." I was probably too upset to properly thank her for being so nice to me. But I find that it's an interesting example of how you get the best and the worst of people in supermarkets.