New Year

Periodically I get unhappy with the direction my life is going. Read: I get jealous of other people I know who are doing things I wish I were doing. New year seems like a good time to explore these feelings. The new year always comes with a sense of possibility and change. I realize this is largely a construct, because what makes December 31st different from January 1st is about 30 seconds of sunlight, but it's good to look back and look forward at a significant time.

I never really want to go out and party for new year. Or any other time, really. I'd much rather have a private party with my friends. But this year, Andrew and I are in Phoenix essentially alone. So, the only option besides staying in alone with the cat is going out with strangers and feeling connected to the world at large instead of basking in the glow of friendship. But I imagine the hassle of getting there and back, the MONEY OMG it's not cheap to go to the Fiesta Bowl block party, and the boredom that comes from standing in a loud crowd for several hours doing nothing, and I don't really want to go. But I don't really want to stay at home alone. I feel like to make my life worth living I should be out doing interesting and unusual things to mark the passage of time.

Which of course brings me to my thoughts on the direction my life is headed in general. I love traveling. When I hear about friends who get to travel all over the place for their school or their jobs, or get to meet interesting people in the course of their work... I think about how I mostly watch Star Trek and surf the internet and wonder how I can make that into a jet-setting career path. I get so jealous. And what better time of the year than new year to think about changes I can make to have the life I want? Yet, it doesn't seem likely that getting my degree in rhetoric and composition will further those goals.

Not that I don't love my master's program! I do. But I wish I could make it more amazing. I wish I knew what I wanted.